I've been thinking about dying lately. Oh, not that I'm planning on it in the near future but it's been on my mind. I guess it's because of those notices I get from my high school class website. The people in my graduating class are dying. I opened up my email today and there was another one. Shay Bickel died. Shay and I didn't know each other well. In fact, I couldn't recognize him from the picture in the obituary. I had to get out an old yearbook and look him up. "Oh yeah, I remember him. We had some classes together." Just weeks ago It was Clif(spelled with one F) Majors. Clif was the best guitar player in our class. Heck, maybe in all of Wichita. This guy was GOOD. He played along with B.B. King in later years. Gone.
And then I got a notice that a District Superintendent from my denomination, Reverend Gene Wells, died today. He was only 63. Heart attack.
It just makes you ponder what your own future might be. I'm not talking about it in a religious sense, I think I've got that covered. I'm wondering about pain and nursing homes and assisted living and diapers, etc.
I've been thinking about this cabin without me in it. About the grass that needs to be cut and the cars in the garage and the stuff in my office.
Jane and I go to a lot of auctions and estate sales. I bring home stuff that other guys who were thinking about dying (and did) left behind and I wonder what my wife and kids will do with all the junk. My son-in-law says that he has 1-800-GOT-JUNK on speed dial just for when that time comes. Man, I hope they'll at least go through the stuff and save the valuables. I've got stuff that you can't find anymore. I've got coffee cans full of bolts and screws and you can't FIND good coffee cans these days.
I wonder about my funeral. I've decided to be cremated so I guess it would more accurately be called a "Memorial Service." I gave up the idea of a funeral when lying on my back, holding my iPad over my face to read I caught a glimpse of my face reflected on the glass screen. My face becomes so much fatter when lying down. I don't want anyone to see that when I'm in a casket, hence, cremation. Vanity, I know!!!
I wonder if old girlfriends will grieve thinking, "If only I'd treated him better, I could be his grieving widow." After all I've done to him I wonder if My Brother Terry will even show up. I wonder if hateful former church members will say "Good riddance." I wonder if McDonald's will miss me. I wonder who will pick up the mail because Jane NEVER does. If I didn't pick up the mail we'd never get bills paid because she wouldn't know they were due.
My dad died at 84. IF I could live that long I've got 18 years left. But I can't imagine that I will. I'm overweight, I eat poorly and rarely exercise (though I've walked over a mile today according to my Fitbit). I'm borderline diabetic. I mean, what chance do I have?
I mourn the loss of my friends but I wish they would quit dying. It makes me nervous.