The second barber I got in the second shop would have been given a failing grade on his FIRST DAY in Barber School if he had performed he cut he gave me.
Hence:
TEXAS HAIRCUT
I DROVE IN TO HOUSTON, HAIR BEAUTIFULLY COIFFED
TILL A WILD EYED TEXAN CUT IT ALL OFF
IT WAS NOT MY FIRST CUT IN THE LONE STAR STATE
I ONLY LOST EYEBROWS IN THAT FIRST TWIST OF FATE
BUT THE SECOND WAS DIFFERENT, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER
WHEN THE BARBER WAS HANGING HIS CERTIFICATE LETTER
WITH GREAT PRIDE HE ATTACHED IT TO THE WALL UP BEHIND HIM
THEN OFFERED HIS CHAIR WITH A SMILE THAT DEFIED HIM.
ARMS COVERED WITH TATTS AND A BENCH FULL OF CLIPPERS
SCISSORS AND RAZORS AND ALL KINDS OF NIPPERS
"JUST A TRIM" I SAID WITH PLENTY OF PRIDE
THEN HE SLIPPED UP BEHIND ME AROUND BY MY SIDE
HE FLIPPED ON THE SWITCH AND HAIR IT DID FLY
AS HE RAN THE CLIPPERS FROM EYE TO EYE
BUT NOT ON THE FRONT, THE EYEBROWS REMAINED
IT WAS FRONT TO BACK AND AROUND TO THE SAME
HAIR FLYING, HEART DROPPING, I KNEW IT WAS GONE
MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR, LOST LIKE THE DAWN.
NO LONGER TO STYLE IT OR SPRAY IT OR FROST IT
IT LAY IN MY LAP AND I KNEW I HAD LOST IT.
"BAD HAIRCUT" YOU SAY? WHY, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
IT'S THE SORRIEST HAIRCUT THAT I'VE EVER SEEN
GOUGES AND RIDGES AND SHELVES IN THE BACK
AND I'VE GOT TO PREACH! THE PEOPLE WILL YACK!
WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO GET THEIR ATTENTION?
I'LL SPEAK ON SAMSON AND THEN I WILL MENTION
THAT I DID IT ON PURPOSE, THIS HAIRCUT ATTACK
BUT I'LL PROUDLY PROCLAIM, "MY EYEBROWS GREW BACK."
